ABT ROUND 3 GROUP 5, VALENCE EDITION: YOU’RE IN FOR IT NOW!

@fkeroge describes his posts as ‘ruthless’? Well, I’ve been abroad and out of contact with everyone for about a week or so, giving me the power to actually be ruthless.

So today, we’ll be looking at 3 anime blogs in no particular order of merit (if any) : Avvesione’s Anime Blog, Baka-Raptor and Metanorn.

[This post is a joke, please don’t be too offended.]

Avvesione’s Anime Blog

Are you trying to be funny or something, Avvesione? because it’s not.

Boy oh boy oh boy, where do I begin with Avvesione’s Anime Blog? I believe we can begin with his/her/its about page.

J…just get a load of that one paragraph. It essentially reads: “Hi, this is an anime blog. I write lots of posts with a template. If you don’t like it, leave.” (Avvesione is also the only blog which WordPress doesn’t automatically show tags for, just saying.) I mean, come on.

You could have been more interesting about it, Avvesione.

I find the last sentence to be particularly ironic since in the previous paragraphs Avvesione says that each post is similar, then here is an obvious attempt at self-advertisment by saying each post is so very different, like special little snowflakes in the pile of mud that is the aniblogosphere.

Enough About Page bashing, let’s talk about the blog as a whole:

That post on Jormungand perfectly mimics the aniblogosphere in the sense that everything there is pretty much tl;dr and directionless. Avvesione’s like an old Vietnam War veteran drinking in a bar and slowly spouting out shit about how he misses Vietnam and making shit up as he goes along. And at the end of that long, boring post, who’s there to comment?

One trackback from a post on our blog, which, coincidentally, was there to make fun of that post. Just look at that ‘Leave a Reply’ box. It’s so tempting, so alluring. I feel sympathetic and I feel like I should, too, leave a reply of some sort.

Maybe this will make Avvesione feel better about himself/herself/itself.

But anyway, if you must vote for another blog other than AOIA, please vote for Avvesione. He at least puts some thought into his posts, and that’s something I really respect, so there’s that. Enough mudslinging at Avvesione from me. It’s time to move on.

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Baka-Raptor

Baka-Raptor’s mere existence is a depressing one. His blog exists as nothing more than a statement of how much he hates himself and how other people have to appear just to give him that little moral support. Like how some mothers would whistle in an attempt to get their children to learn to urinate, Baka-Raptor would take every comment as an attempt by the blogger to suck up to him, which coincidentally is also related to the male genitalia. Does this series of dick-related coincidences hint at Baka-Raptor’s personality and psyche? Perhaps.

How much does Baka-Raptor truly hate himself? Beyond his shitty webpage design (the colour scheme also coincidentally reminds me of the time I had curry, soft drinks, milkshakes and pizza) and the fact that the entire website seems to be filled with self-loathing, attempts at sympathy & friendship , just look at his handle. “Baka-Raptor.” Imagine having to describe yourself as an idiotic dinosaur for 6 whole years.

The mere fact that the website is named after himself also hints at how much he wants friends. I’d imagine his dream conversation to go like this:

“Hey, do you read Baka-Raptor?”
“yeah, I do.”
Baka-Raptor: “SOMEONE FINALLY CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND ME! <3333333333333”

The obvious answer is yes, given the phrasing of the question, but Baka-Raptor is simply unwilling to actually draw non-shitty comics. Even in his polls, he hopes that others can still cheer him up and free him from his miserable existence by essentially saying: “No, baka-raptor! Your art is great! You don’t need to improve yourself because you’re PERFECTO!”

As you can tell, Baka-Raptor has no friends. I’m not sure what this says about him.

Baka-Raptor updates as constantly as the undying ghost of Stalin stirs about in his coffin. Even though he describes the wait for a new post as ‘suspense’, I would describe it more as a wait for a corpse to decompose rather than a sense of anticipation and suspense, which would also describe most of the content on his blog. It’s either filler, shallow posts, nonsense, or some combination of the above 3. Just look at this post and the post he wrote for taking a shit on the other blogs. And yet another post written in an attempt to glorify himself.

If the website’s design was better, and if he posted more often with deeper content, I would have totally voted for BR.

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Metanorn

I think I retched a bit from the weeabooism of the site

Metanorn is just like thousands of other blogs in the aniblogosphere in the fact that they look like giant shining shrines to Japan and Anime as a whole without being ironic or well-designed or whatever. The entire site, aided by the repetitive usage of barcodes, resembles some kind of product you’d buy around Christmas and hang in your house to state 3 things at one shot: “Merry Christmas”, “I like anime a lot,” and “I have no friends around to see this hung up whatsoever so I’m just going to drink and get drunk alone in my house now.”

The post they wrote for the Aniblog Tourney is interesting in the sense that it had no depth whatsoever, relying on the commentators to complete the story and that it seems to have changed me to a weeaboo-level ‘moe’ girl with blue hair in an orange dragon costume. Or that could also be @fkeroge, but that doesn’t help dispel the thought that Metanorn probably sees all its readers as moe moe girls with huge glass-like eyeballs who constantly go about life as though they were in K-On. Keep that in mind whenever you post on Metanorn because the entire cast will be imagining you in a schoolgirl’s summer uniform.

Of course, if that’s how you like it then go ahead and read their blog some more. Someone might just be smirking half-naked when you post your comments. (With apologies) Does the image of a random internet lurker half-naked burn your eyeballs and make you feel like fainting? So does the website design – a jumbled, mangled contraptation combining both the aesthetic beauty of the inside of a computer and that time I got drunk on whiskey. At the very least, they let us participate in their podcast, an option we should really consider one day.

I would have voted for Metanorn if their website was more accessible.

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All in all, here’s all the other blogs for you to see. Please vote for AOIA and another blog of your choice, although the desired effect would be, of course, for us to win.

Vote here.

About Valence

I blog things.
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4 Responses to ABT ROUND 3 GROUP 5, VALENCE EDITION: YOU’RE IN FOR IT NOW!

  1. avvesione says:

    Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were going to be ruthless in this post. Guess this is a bit of payback for missing out on the podcast but at least you were able to participate with this post. Sounds you had as much fun writing this as I did reading it.

    Also, thanks for the comment on my Jorm post. I do feel better about myself now. It let’s me know someone made it to the bottom of my post and read/skimmed through most of it. And I think you were the first one to do that for that post. So, congratz! And good luck with the rest of the ABT!

  2. Baka-Raptor says:

    It’s true, I don’t have any friends. Now to warm up leftover pizza and watch anime in my underwear.

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