Welcome to the AOIA Season Previews, where people with mismatched personalities try to give insights about the anime that’s gonna air the season after this one! Today, three of our authors are going to give you a runthrough of what the summer 2012 has to offer. We have Carillus, the voice of reason, Smiley, the very accommodating anime fan, and @fkeroge, AOIA’s very own insult machine! Before the preview proper, let’s have some opening thoughts with our authors!
I’ll give it you guys straight: The next season is going to be absolute crap. Only a few shows stand out.
Why? I think that there’s a lot of watchable shows in line.
Watchable doesn’t cut it. Anime needs to be P-E-R-F-E-C-T, lest they incur the wrath of @fkeroge!
There’s no such thing as a perfect anime, man.
Carillus is right. I can watch any anime as long as it’s not horrible. Anime is for entertainment, after all.
Exactly. That’s why if you’re watching to be entertained, you should demand the greatest quality of entertainment you can get! After all, us anime fans only deserve the best. THE BEST.
Now, now, you two. Let’s just take a look at what’s cooking for Summer, ‘kay?
Kokoro Connect (SILVER LINK)
K-ON! with two guys and a whole lot of body switching. I’ve seen the manga (done by CuteG), so I’m watching this. Good for people with trap and guy-in-girl-body fetishes, I guess.
Does Carillus have trap and guy-in-girl-body fetishes? 100% yes.
Yo dawg, I heard you like traps, so I put a trap in your trap so you can tap a trap while you tap a trap. Wait, what? Ok, I guess they’re not really traps.
50% of vag000s are actually reversible p0n0ses.
Japan sure loves its genderbenders! But wait, do I actually see potential here? Oh, goodness, no~! Okay, fine. I guess I’m a little interested.
Chances of @fkeroge switching bodies with a girl: 30%
Like I Said, I Can’t Get It Up (feel.)
The guy should go start a business or something. With his mind no longer 90% polluted by thoughts of copulation and extending his bloodline, he would probably break whatever industry he goes into. But of course, this being a comedy anime and not a self-help guide, it’ll probably involve lots of females falling for the guy impervious to all their comely advances.
Carillus’ fascination with harem stories: 20%
Long story short, the poor guy can’t get it up. What a shame.
Effectiveness of all blue pills: 50%
And here we have another light novel adaptation about some guy and his magical girlfriend. Good for you guys that are allergic to innovation and actual good stories! Did I mention that the art sucks? Well, IT DOES.
Chances of @fkeroge making contracts with Goddesses of Death: 0%
I Have a Sister in Here! (Studio Gokumi)
Did you know? If the people in question are related but grew up separately, there’s a greater chance they’ll be attracted to each other in real life should they meet. So committing the grave deed with long-lost siblings is actually less fictional than you might think. So why is your sister being one out of like, five hundred female students in a school a catch anyway?
Chances of Carillus finding out: 36%
I love the smell of wincest in the morning. Smells like Japan.
50% of wincest is actually twincest.
Oh, ho? Do I see incest here? No doubt. Do I see potential here? I’ve seen more potential in a moss-covered boulder.
@fkeroge has a 0% chance of finally having a little sister.
MuvLuv Alternative: Total Eclipse (Ixtl, Satelight)
“Aliens known as Beings of Extra Terrestrial origin which is Adversary of human race (BETA) invade earth and conquer most of the Eurasian continent. In response, a new type of gundam known as the Tactical Surface Fighter (TSF) is developed. Elite pilots from around the world are pitted against one another at a UN base in Alaska in a joint effort to develop the next generation of TranSFormers.”
The fact that the TSFs are named after actual aircraft and have similar relationships to each other is quite appealing to a fighter aircraft lover like me, but not very. The girls are secondary.
Carillus watching this for the same reason he watches Strike Witches, i.e. all the wrong reasons: 45%
Girls fighting aliens in robot suits. But it’s not Rinne no Lagrange.
Chances of aliens invading earth: 60%
MuvLuv Alternative is one of the most well-received visual novels of all time, and for a good reason. Will the anime live up to the game? With Satelight animating this, there is no doubt that it wouldn’t.
Chances of @fkeroge being able to pilot a TranSFormer: 50%
Nobuna Oda’s Ambitions (Studio Gokumi, Madhouse)
Trust Japan to continuously deconstruct and utterly desecrate ancient history for the sake of modern day entertainment. At least America hasn’t turned Washington into a pistol-toting bikini-wearing blonde yet.
Chances of Carillus forsaking the honour of the past: 0%
Obligatory Sengoku period show.
Chances of the US finally having a female president: 50%
I have a personal policy to avoid Sengoku Era shows under any circumstances other than to mock them.
Chances of @fkeroge being transported into a genderbent Sengoku Era: 0%
Love, Elections and Chocolate (AIC Build)
“Yuuki Oujima and his friends waste time doing nothing in the Food Research Club. When the front runner of the student council election proposes that clubs that have no merit should be abolished, Yuuki runs in the election as an opposing candidate to protect the fellow lazy bums of the school.”
This VN was the most popular selling VN in Japan at the time of its release. I have a volume of the Comic Battle (where various doujin artists get together to write an anthology of the series), and I’ve read a bit of the manga. I like the character designs and characters in general, so I’ll be giving this a go.
Carillus is 100% liking them uniforms.
Chances of Smiley being a lazy bum: 50%
This is an eroge adaptation. With that comes the usual things that one can expect from such material. Adjust expectations accordingly… ah, who am I kidding? This is gonna suck.
Chances of @fkeroge running for student council president: 10%
La Storia Della Arcana Famiglia (J.C. Staff)
“The story follows Arcana Famiglia, a self-appointed organization with mysterious powers that protected the area from various threats. The only daughter of the family’s leader, Felicita, will be married to the next head of the family in two months — and the successor will be decided in a competition that Felicitá herself will take part in.”
Carillus even considering: 0%
For the shoujos; dinner is served.
0% of shoujo is actually half decent.
Reverse harem show for the anime fan with rubbish-tier taste. I predict… no… I KNOW that this anime will be bad beyond our wildest dreams. Just look at that guy with the eyepatch and tell me with a straight face that this show is gonna be anything but garbage.
Chances of @fkeroge being married to Felicita: 0%.
The God of Poverty is…! (Sunrise)
“The story revolves around Ichiko Sakura, a girl whose blissful life comes from her bountiful “happiness energy” — gained by sapping that energy from other people. To restore the balance, the God of Poverty, Momiji Binbada, attempts to eliminate her.”
Maybe I’ll try the first episode on for size.
Carillus taking this show up to pass time otherwise spent sitting around twiddling his thumbs in the military: 80%
Kind of like the second OVA of Denpa teki na Kanojo. Only without an awesome male lead.
50% of girlfriends carry baseball bats in the rain.
“Happiness energy”. Wow, this looks stupid.
@fkeroge’s happiness energy meter: 0%
Joshiraku (J.C. Staff)
*Compares to K-On!* Hmm… Yup.
Chances of a K-On! clone appearing in a season: 50%
Because K-On! wasn’t enough. Expect wordplay that transcends the understanding of an ordinary overseas anime fan.
@fkeroge’s Japanese wordplay mastery level: 20%
Ebiten: Kouritsu Ebisugawa High Astronomy Club (AIC Classic)
A bit of light entertainment to pass time. At least, I think so.
Carillus would like to inform everyone that Yaranaika actually originates from a comic magazine for gay men, and is thus unrelated to fujoshi. Otherwise, 80%.
Shakespeare’s long lost comedy: “The Taming of the Fujoshi”, straight to anime.
50% of fujoshi think Yaranaika is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Otaku service shows like these are often uninspired drivel that live on rehashes of unfunny Japanese memes and references to actual good anime. Should be good for a few smirks, but nothing more.
@fkeroge is 20% otaku corrupt.
It’s like someone decided to animate God of War.
80% chance of a rain of divine blood.
ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWAH!!
50% of immortal beings end up dying.
Oh, wow! THIS IS GONNA BE, LIKE, THE GREATEST SHOW EVAH! This show is so unique, only idiots wouldn’t enjoy it!
Chances of @fkeroge NOT slaying gods: 0%
Arve Rezzle (ZEXCS)
I’ve always liked stories where you upload your brain into a cloud-based system where you could get your link back to your body cut at any moment.
The Matrix gone real. In 2022 we can all upload our minds into “cyber space” thanks to the magic of quantum computing. Of course, something goes wrong and now everyone is trapped with no way to return to their bodies. A boy goes on a quest to find his sister’s body after the incident. Cue elaborate complications and action. And perhaps incest.
Chances of machines enslaving the human race: 50%
Now this is the incest(?) show that actually has some potential. It’s a very simple, yet effective premise. Now it all boils down to how they will tell the story. It shouldn’t be any problem for any decent studio and staff… ZEXCS. All hope is lost.
Studies prove that 40% of girls who get stuck in cyberspace are lolis.
Humanity has Declined (AIC A.S.T.A)
“The story is set several centuries into the slow decline of mankind. Earth has now become the realm of “fairies” — 10-centimeter-tall (about 4-inch-tall) creatures with remarkable intelligence and an appetite for sweets. The human protagonist of the story serves an important duty as the international arbitrator between the fairies and humans, and she returns to her former hometown of Kusunoki. She chose this job because she thought it was an easy job she can do, even when she is as old as her grandfather. However, she learns that her job is anything but simple when she meets the fairies.”
It looks cute.
100% chance of Carillus squeaming and smiling at his screen like a sexual predator.
Oh, dear lord… AIC A.S.T.A. with Seiji Kishi again. After Angel Beats! and Persona 4, I have learned that Kishi can create good shows, but I also know from these two that he can create crappy endings. This will be a good show, no doubt, but there’s also a 75% chance that the ending will be very cheesy and underwhelming.
Statistics show that 70% of humanoid female fairies admit to liking human girls on a romantic level.
Kingdom (Studio Pierrot)
“In the Warring States Period of ancient China (475-221 BCE), Shin and Hyou are war-orphans in the kingdom of Qin. One day, Hyou is taken to the palace by a minister only to wind up on the losing side of a power-struggle. Hyou manages to return to the village, barely alive, but at least he’s now the king of Qin.”
I like my Three Kingdoms in all its original glory, thank you very much.
Carillus thinking that Hyou might actually do a better job than Sun Quan: 0%
Anime is always a good way to learn Chinese history; just look at Koihime Musou.
Chances of Smiley being a descendant of a Chinese emperor: 0%
Romance of the Three Kingdoms: NARUTO-STYLE!
Chances of @fkeroge finishing Koihime Musou: 0%
Tari Tari (P.A. Works)
“This story is about five high school students who think they’re grown-up. Wakana Sakai once took music lessons, but she withdrew from music after losing her mother. Konatsu Miyamoto is a positive-thinking girl who loves singing and spends time after school at the vocal music club. Sawa Okita is a spirited archery club member who dreams of becoming a horse rider. Taichi Tanaka is a chronically late badminton team member who lives with his college student sister. “Wiin” just transfered into Wakana’s class after spending 12 years abroad. Music brings the five musketeers together into an ensemble during their last summer in high school.”
Good for passing time.
Chances that people have caught on that Carillus is really really bored in the military: 80%
Another K-On! clone? I thought there was already one this season.
Chances of Smiley repeating a statistic about K-On! clones: 50%
In the synopsis alone, the anime is casting its characters into one dimensional stereotypes. Oh, dear. That aside, this doesn’t look half bad… except when you actually read the synopsis and realize that this looks dangerously similar to Natsuiro Kiseki, one of the worst shows of Spring.
Chances of this show being a monstrosity like Natsuiro Kiseki: 30%
The Aesthetics of a Wayward Hero (ARMS)
“The story follows an international training organization named Babel which protects the young people returning from another world. A wayward hero named Akatsuki has come back to the real world from a world of sword and magic called Areizaado, along with beautiful girl who is a demon king’s daughter.”
I’m willing to bet Japan takes inspiration for demon royalty from the British Royal Family.
50% of demons actually fall in love with humans.
This sounds like absolute shite. The studio animating it is also shite.
It is known that 10% of the heroes of the world got to date daughters of demon kings.
Sword Art Online (A-1 Pictures)
“The story revolves around a boy named Kazuto “Kirito” Kirigaya who enters a virtual-reality, massively multi-player online (MMO) world called “Sword Art Online.” There is no escape from this world unless the player clears the game, but “game over” means the death of the player.”
The animated embodiment of what we all wanted to be at some point in time: Placed in a fantasy world setting where magic and medieval battling is commonplace, where we can fight against common enemies with friends, only you’re ridiculously overlevelled, worshipped by half the gaming population as a god and carry the fate of the world on your shoulders. Except for the bit part where you can die. Yeah, that kinda sucks.
Now all that I hope for is that the Phantom Bullet arc gets animated. But chances are really low.
Carillus 100% worships Kirito as the most badass and awesome ‘video game protagonist’ ever.
Forget BF3 and MW3. This is the most realistic game ever. That’s why it sucks. Take a hint, game developers.
60% of Smiley’s kills are headshots.
Want a light novel with an actual good story? Try SAO, Reki Kawahara’s magnum opus, for size. It’s not groundbreaking by any means, but it is pretty entertaining for what it’s worth. Definitely watching.
@fkeroge has a 70% chance of reaching the top floor of Aincrad.
A Super-Liberal Interpretation of a Hundred Poems: Love Song (TYO Animations)
“The story is a “super-liberal interpretation” of the Hyakunin Isshu anthology of poems that were written between the 7th and 13th centuries in Japan. The anthology features 100 romantic poems from 100 different poets such as The Tale of Genji’s Murasaki Shikibu. The poems are also used as the basis for the karuta card game.”
*super-liberal interpretation* For great justice! Please show some respect.
Chances of Smiley learning Japanese poetry: 0%
This anime will cater to the intellectual sector of the anime fandom with its liberal approach to adapting traditional Japane…*zzzzz…snrk…zzz*.
@fkeroge is 0% romantic.
Summer Snow Rendezvous (Dogakobo) (noitaminA)
A love triangle with a ghost? Should be better than Twilight.
Chances of another ghost being hotter than Yuuko: 0%
Noitamina is overrated. Get over your elitist fantasies and start watching actual good anime.
Elitists with actual good taste occupy 20% of the anime elitist population.
Blood Lad (???)
0% of vampires are the same temperature as humans.
@fkeroge is 0% vampire, 100% badass, 100% heartless.
Chitose Get You!! (???)
“Chitose is an 11-year-old girl who is madly in love with an older guy named Hiroshi. He works at the town hall right next to the school and Chitose spends every day relentlessly pursuing him. Can Chitose ever convince Hiroshi to go out with her?”
Now, why don’t you have a seat over there?
Chances that Carillus has met Chris Hansen before: 0%
Loli tries to seduce a man, because that’s what all jailbait do. Pedobear where?
0% of children take candy from strangers. 100% of children take candy from bears.
Nothing to see here. Move along.
^These aren’t the lolis you’re looking for.
Chances of lolis appearing on the doorsteps of lonely otaku: 0%
22. Yuru Yuri ♪♪ (Dogakobo)
“Right after starting middle school, Akari Akaza joins the Amusement Club which is composed solely of her two childhood friends, Kyouko Toshinou and Yui Funami. Chinatsu Yoshikawa, Akaza’s classmate, becomes a member after finding out about the dissolution of the Tea Club. The Amusement Club, situated at the tea room facility since the Tea Club disbanded, has no clear purpose, being free for the girls to do whatever they want.”
Yuru Yuri is back for seconds. Hopefully, they will now introduce the elder sisters for more hilarity. Needless to say, I’m watching.
Akari has a 70% chance of getting raped by her sister, Chinatsu or Chitose.
Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere II (Sunrise)
“In a distant future, Japan is divided into feudal territories, which have been conquered and are ruled by outside countries. The flying city-ship Musashi, which holds the remnants of the Japanese, is being targeted and has no choice but to keep its people safe by going to war. With the fate of the world resting on its hands, the students of Musashi may hold the key to victory.”
Dropped the first season faster than a burning pan of deep-fried chicken.
Chances of Carillus understanding any of the five hundred and twenty parallel plotlines: 0%
I still feel like you need to have read up on this beforehand to know what’s going on. Unfortunately, I haven’t done that.
Chances that a female character in Horizon has been groped: 50%
The first season was the most confusing anime that I have seen in my entire life. I have better things to do than watch this.
Percentage of Kyoukaisenjou no Horizon’s content that @fkeroge understood: 0%
Rinne no Lagrange Second Season (Xebec)
“Madoka is the lone member of her school’s Jersey Club. She is one day recruited by a mysterious girl named Lan to pilot the robot “Vox” and protect her city from space invaders. They are joined by a third girl, Muginami, who has a different goal than Lan. Meanwhile, they still don’t know their enemies’ true goal, or what “Rinne” might be.”
I liked the first season well enough to do a review on it. It’s simple, knows what it’s doing and is fun to watch.
Plus, really really pretty.
Chances that we’ll finally know what that damn Rinne thing is: 100%
Madoka is still manlier than any man could hope to be. That’s enough reason to watch.
Chances that the san-baka will find out who Madoka is: 80%
Wait until I finish the first season.
Chances of @fkeroge finishing the first season: ??%
Moyashimon Returns (Shirogumi Inc.) (noitaminA)
“College student Tadayasu Sawaki can see and communicate with bacteria and other microorganisms. Hijinks ensue. Sawaki Souemon Tadayasu is a freshman in Tokyo agriculture university who can see microorganism with naked eyes. Together with his childhood friend, Kei, he begins a new and carefree life as a student.”
Like I said, Noitamina is overrated. The fact that I find myself dozing off while watching the first season really tells me a lot about the tastes of the so-called elitists.
30% of anime elitists are not pretentious.
Dog Days’ (Seven Arcs)
“In the land of Fronaldo, the Republic of Biscotti has been aggressively attacked by the Lion Kingdom of Galette. Facing potential defeat, Princess Millhiore summons a a middle-school boy to save the country. Awaiting him is the task of becoming hero enough to defeat his enemies while learning the peculiar rules of battle in this strange new world.”
A bunch of dog-eared and cat-eared people-looking creatures with other anthropomorphised features once again form the main cast of this show designed to appeal to animal part fetishes with some semblance of a fantasy story, this time joined by a bunch of raccoon-eared and tailed ones.
Carillus is 100% watching this, however, because he watched the first season at his friend’s behest and is now an Eclair fanboy.
A cat is fine too. A dog is fine too. A fox is fine too. A racoon is fi- Oh, did I mention a human is fine too?
60% of furries have two sets of ears.
Seven Arcs can create great second seasons of fairly average shows – case in point: Nanoha. Too bad I wasn’t even able to finish the first season of Dog Days.
The real ratio of humans to anthropoid animals: 50%. They’re EVERYWHERE!
Hakuouki Reimeiroku (Studio DEEN)
“Yukimura Chizuru goes to Kyoto looking for her father, where she witnesses a fight between an Oni and the Shinsengumi. The Shinsengumi take her into custody and discover that she is the daughter of the doctor they are looking for. The Shinsengumi then take Chizuru along on their search for the missing doctor.”
The title sounds like “Hakuouki: Remake”. But wait, it’s actually a prequel!
0% of Shinsengumi could win in a fight against pirates.
Samurai show by DEEN. Why am I not surprised?
DEEN’s profit: 0%
So that’s it for the AOIA season preview! We hope you enjoyed your stay here at our humble site. Our authors have a few parting words for our dear audience:
See, @fk, what’d I tell you?
You didn’t tell me anything. None of these shows are even worth me talking about them. Why did you put me up to this, anyway?
Still playing dumb, huh?
You appeared to be tsundere about a lot of shows, @fk! Why all the blushing while bashing the shows? Besides, you looked like you look forward to Yuru Yuri and SAO.
Y-you shut up! Anime like these pieces of trash we have here aren’t even worthy of gracing my superior taste. You guys are wasting my time.
The more tsun he is now, the more dere he’ll be later. Leave him alone.
Well, there you have it! Thanks for stopping by! We hope to see you again!
I’m looking forward to your next visit, too!
Come to think of it, who was doing the narrating earlier?