Reading Seinime’s post on unrequited love got me in the mood for reflection.
Ever since I got a premium TF2 account, I’ve been operating in Valve Time. Remember that Project Pony schmuck I was running? Me neither. Guess how many days have passed since Day 3? I’ve also been thinking about a few things. For the entirety of the past few months, I have had no motivation to write any posts, or simply no time. When I did receive time, I found that anime was simply not as entertaining as it seemed back then. I knew that I couldn’t just stop watching and being an ani-blogger with a drop of the hat, seeing as how I’ve spent so many hours of my precious youth watching Japanese cartoons already. My RSS reader’s been filled to the brim with new articles too, new posts that I never really caught up with. (891, and counting.)
Besides, I found new games interesting. While I hardly played any shooter games or MMORPGS thanks to a bit of motion sickness, I had since overcome those problems and find these games fun and easy to play – eating away my computer time. And when I eventually get the time, I end up debating with myself over which anime to watch ; which one everyone’s watching or which one would be good to write an article on. It wasn’t as much a problem of interest as much as it was a problem of pragmatism, I thought. Think about it like a mid-life crisis for bloggers. (Note to self: write article on blogger mid-life crisis.)
Then , as I sat down to actually write a post, with new-found determination, I found myself inevitably , scrapping and trashing the drafts I wrote. I thought to myself: who would read this? Who would want to know about any of this at all? What’s the message? What would the readers think? Will it garner page views? Guess why Project Pony is still on Day 3? One, because I don’t like the show, and two, every time I write Day 4 it sucks. Simple as that. I got frustrated. I found that less and less bloggers I knew visited AOIA any more, and that too, got me worried. Am I doing something wrong? What do I have to do to remedy this? What do I have to write about? What attracts readers, anyway? (I actually tried to write a post involving media perception, Temasek Review Emeritus and Sankaku Complex. I doubt that attracts anyone. )
And then it hit me.
I think too much about everything. I’m starting to worry that I’m a schizoid. I think too much about the people around me, sometimes to an extent where I just want to cut off social contact and hide in my house. Similarly, now I realized that I was too concerned over the blog, so much so that it’s become more important than watching anime itself. It IS an anime blog after all; hence, how can I be an aniblogger if I don’t watch anime? With the recent drop in readership and subscriber levels, I started to panic a bit more and try and come up with yet another post, but still, nothing. It’s gotten to an extent where to me, I’m not even ‘blogging’ anymore. I’m just writing articles, one after another. Shouldn’t the point of aniblogging be to blog about one’s own thoughts on anime rather than construct articles devoid of personal opinion? Shouldn’t the best way to garner readership be to , well, blog from the heart? (god that’s so damn cliche)
Hence, I decided to take a break from aniblogging for a while. Play a couple (literally) of games, read a good book, go for a run, or just laze about soaking up this holiday time. I know that I will have to take a hiatus soon, anyway, in light of my upcoming End-Of-Year exams. I’m hoping that the other bloggers of AOIA could keep up the good fight in my absence. Nevertheless, when the new anime season starts I’ll try to watch some anime and return to some good old aniblogging. And in a few days’ time, I’ll be going overseas for a holiday. All in good stead, I suppose. Here’s hoping that all goes well. I know that I must stop worrying so much about a blog, but still, here’s hoping too, for more readers once again.
See you in about a week’s time.