Project Pony: Day 1

 In yet another act of masochistic frenzy, Valence has decided to watch My Little Pony.

As you may know, I do have a soft spot for cute things. MLP: FIM brings back that nostalgic feel, where all the little girls watched MLP on their TV sets. (In Singapore anyway. Kids Central. ) Faust also contributes to the show’s success as well (supposedly), being the creative genius behind other works for children such as Kids Next Door and the iconic Powerpuff Girls, without which we would never get to watch 2 angels perform a pole dance every 15 minutes.

However, I usually prefer to spend my time on watching something manlier. Even a generic shonen show like Ao no Exorcist could be fine. Having to watch MLP was definitely harder than watching Ao no Exorcist. I had to make sure no-one could see what I was watching and whatnot. It was a tribulation that I, a man of my word, had to go through. So armed with a cup of coffee (and a penknife, just in case), I decided to embark on my ‘adventure’ and watch episode 1.

So in the first scene we get introduced to who I presume, is the protagonist : a mugger. (Or, as simply put, ‘nerd’. ) Yep, Twilight turns down an invite by supposed friends to go study. Little girls in America call her studious. You know what we call her? A mugger. Sacrificing precious time studying to no ends, in sake of god knows what. Cutting off social contacts. Actually being able to move into a live into a library – a quiet sanctuary, a Fortress of Solitude, with her own dragon assistant to boot. She’s like, the perfect mugger or something, but doomed to mug all her life. This hits me really hard. It’s like we can almost sympathize with the poor plight of the student…

….oh wait, it appears she found out a prophecy that might happen. She’s the protag who will save the whole of Equestria in one episode, not some random student studying for the O-levels. Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle. Here I was thinking you were just a normal student. But then again, you are a pony… and this is a kid’s show…..(which I am clearly too old, and too male to be watching)

Time passes slowly // Giving me the time to think // why I watch this show

So erm, time passes and here I expect her to run into her new friends. Literally. One freaks out, one freaks out, one’s a freak, one’s mythic rare, and one eerily reminds me of Orihime from Bleach for some reason. Oh damn it, I’m fast-fowarding through the episode. Focus, Valence, focus. Stare at the ponies. Even the blue lesbian. That one especially. Even if she does sound a bit like Abigail from Kids Next Door. But it hurts- I DON’T CARE IF IT HURTS, FINISH IT. Okay, introductions over.  Is it supposed to be entertaining around this part?

And then the pink psycho throws a party in Twilight’s house, and I think Twilight’s still underage but she’s drinking her Bloody Mary like a boss. Goddamn it. For a mugger horse with a name that also serves as a two word description for Stephanie Meyer’s literary prowess, she actually drinks alcoholic drinks. Hell yeah. How she drinks her cocktails answers several pertinent questions of mine. Like how horses can hold stuff, and talk. Oh wait, it doesn’t solve the second one, my bad.

Timeskip to some gathering at the palace or something, and it turns out Twilight is right all along, as Night Mare Moon (or something, I guess) appears and makes it night forever. So umm, they can all like her more or something like that. (“DID YOU NOT SEE THE SIGNS?” “NO, IT WAS TOO FUCKING DARK BECAUSE WE HAVE NO ELECTRICITY!”)

Then, in the most brilliant work of screenwriting ever, it turns out that the five ponies – Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Lesbian – are the elements of Harmony that Twilight was looking for. This scene was only funnier when you realize it was Nightmare Moooooooon who caused them to get their abilities anyway. To cut a long story short, her elder sister appears and Nightmare Moon is reverted to a kid or something. I don’t really know, I wasn’t paying attention.

Now I need to take a bath. I feel dirty.

Come back tomorrow for another session of old-fogey-Valence-tries-to-understand-internet-memes.


Day 0

About Valence

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10 Responses to Project Pony: Day 1

  1. Someone in your class :D says:

    (Y) This. is. Epic. And you shall never guess who this is. Probably because i won’t come back to this post and look at it haha. Ah well, you could ask tomorrow morning 😀

  2. Doriinatrix says:

    Maybe I *should* watch My Little Pony after all…

  3. MkMiku says:

    “She’s the protag who will save the whole of Equestria in one episode.”

    Don’t you mean two episodes? Anyway, this is probably the most melodramatic episode(s) in the whole series, since the rest are basically about friendship, helping animals, and parties.

    I’m watching the whole series all over again. I lol’d at the end of this ep; Pinkie will find any reason to throw a party. x.x

  4. Pingback: Project Pony: Day 2 | Ambivalence , or is it ambiguity?

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