RAGING REVIEW- Rio:Rainbow Gate

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT IS THIS SHIT

I suppose what appalled me the most about this 4-hour long charade of subtle porn, debauchery and a mind-numbing lack of any semblance of plot or logic whatsoever was that ,contrary to what most people say, it seems that it was meant to be taken seriously, and literally, at every corner. Rio has actually fought in space, got affected by wind tilted due to the audience’s perversion, fired beam pistols and fought in a hyperreal world surrounded by flowers and shit. What is this nonsense..?

Let me do a quick synopsis and summary of the entire show: Rio is a dealer at Howard Resort, functioning as its mascot as well. She has a unique ability to give everyone around her immense luck, and she fights several gate battles, with only 13 Gate Cards in existence, with the person who collects them all being the Most Valuable Casino Dealer. Sounds interesting, but in reality it is nothing more than a steaming pile of merde. By ‘most valuable casino dealer’, you must remember that all the damn Gate battles made no sense or relevance to gambling at all – fighting in space? Really? At least they tried to pass it off as some kind of fancy gambling game, but fuck was it stupid. 

You know me, I’ve written a number of posts on the show before, but as the ultimate example of what a bad show this was, I offer a quick review of the final episode. (Based on what I remember, anyway.)

—–

So it’s finally the final showdown between Rio and her lesbo bitch friend turned enemy. She’s almost going to lose, and then she has a come from behind victory, with everyone commenting that her roll ruler was overwhelming. What the fuck is a roll ruler anyway? How does it even exist? How in fuck do you even change the order of cards to your favour? FUCK! This is almost as fucking retarded as the whole idea of ‘pink wind’ introduced in the stripping/shooting match between the two lesbians a few episodes back. THIS SHOW HAS MADE ME DIE A LITTLE INSIDE.

Ok , so cut to the chase, she wins and it turns out that the (i quote) ‘Gate cards contain lost technology of ancient civilizations , awaiting their new owner. ‘ The owner gains for a moment, the ability to grant all wishes. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Such immense power and all people the random magician (literally) knows about it? Of all people? And the bastards were giving these cards around? And if any wishes could be granted couldn’t the relevant people really fuck up the globe? What if I suddenly wished that someone was dead? What were the antagonists doing? Couldn’t she wish him back by her side? FUCK THIS IS DO DAMN STUPID I THINK MY EYES MIGHT START MELTING. Nevertheless, I must watch on.

FUCK WHAT IN HELL DID SHE JUST STOP THE WAR IN LIBYA? WHAT WAS THAT? THIS IS SO FUCKING CHEESY MY FACE IS STARTING TO DECOMPOSE FROM ALL THE STILTON STUFFED UP MY EYE SOCKETS. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FF-

OH WAIT I JUST REALIZED THAT THEY HAD AN ENTIRE FUCKING ARMY OF RIFLE WIELDING FOLKS? AND THEY DON’T USE IT FROM THE START THOSE FUCKTARDS THEY – oh look! The fucking samurai is a policeman! For a casino company! The casino guild has a police force! Whoopie-fucking-do. Well, at least the show is over. …

OH FUCK IS THAT HER DAD WITH A RAPE FACE? AND A RANDOM LOLI? FUCK NO MORE SEASONS PLEASE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY DON’T I GET ANY GOOD LUCK?

—-

Of course, the above was a tad exaggerated. But you understand, don’t you? 

Final Score: 3/10 – A mediocre ending to a horrible show. Watch it, and prepare to either fulfill your sinful desire for breasts, or prepare to rage hard. The plot is shoddy, and hastily made up, the characterization and plotlines are oh-too-predictable, and any of the ‘exciting’ scenes are too boring to be considered ‘exciting’. For a show which prides itself on shining faces and breasts, you can’t expect much more than that.

Factsheet

  • Source : TECMO Pachinko Machines, D.O.A games
  • Producer: XEBEC
  • Genres: Comedy, Ecchi, Game, Bullshit
  • Episodes: 13 (Aired Jan 4- Mar 29 2011)
  • Main Character: Rio Rollins (dealer with ability to give others luck)
  • Best 3 characters:  Rio’s right breast, Rio’s left breast and Rio’s ass. For they actually had characterization of some sort , and were animated in great detail.(Hurr.)
  • Worst 3 Characters: Misery (for being a fucking stupid antagonist) , Hard Bull (for being full of bullshit) and the sword wielding faggot stupid antagonist who lost in a game of guess-which-hand-my-coin-is-in.
  • Target audience: Players of the games, young teens, teenagers
  • Recommended audience: The brain-dead, and the undead.

 

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About Valence

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27 Responses to RAGING REVIEW- Rio:Rainbow Gate

  1. chikorita157 says:

    A main reason I stopped watching Rio: Rainbow Sh** after episode 2, I just couldn’t take it anymore… it was worse than Kampfer, Neko Overrun and Onii-chan no Koto combined. One cannot make a fanservice show fail so badly as Rio…

  2. Tronulax says:

    Imagine Tony Kornheiser watching this show.

  3. hikikomori1969 says:

    You should add another type of person to that recommended audience, masochist.

  4. Anonomyous says:

    You want bad? Try Himikoden. It doesn’t even have good animation as its saving grace

  5. Justin says:

    Valence, you’re a masochist. Seriously, I can’t believe you finished the series. Or even continued past ep 2. Unless it was for Rio. I did it for Rio. But only up to ep 3.

    • Valence says:

      Hey, which is why I took so long to finish it. Taken in moderation it was somewhat stomach-able. But results in horrible aftereffects.

  6. Animenz says:

    Oh wow, I lol’d so hard at the “Genre: Comedy, Ecchi, Game, Bullshit” part

  7. baka~ says:

    with all the FUCK in this post, I thought you were mistaken in posting

    Factsheet

    (had the impression this was supposed to be

    Fuckshit

    )

  8. ~xxx says:

    I didn’t try watching it…

    I feel a very strange energy on the show…
    and I know it’s bad.

  9. Fabrice says:

    My eyes were on the verge of bleesing because i just watch one of the worst anime or all time or in kinda words, a stupid generic fan service anime. Barely a story at all its really just for fan service. Shouldn’t even be called anime it should be called soft soft soft porn. Oh and for last words: Rosa Canyon sucks balls.

  10. soulassassin says:

    God of Gamblers was more entertaining than this, no doubt.

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  15. Anime says:

    Awesome show……

  16. biotoxic says:

    Well I’m impressed you made it to the end. I thought you’d given up. I have no idea what the hell you wrote about the last episode there, but I can gather that I don’t want to know. And if this mess even fails at providing fan service there is just no hope.

  17. Pingback: RAGING REVIEW- Rio:Rainbow Gate | Ambivalence , or is it ambiguity? « Mind Feed Blog

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