AWP: Onii-chan no Koto nanka Zenzen Suki Janain Dakara Ne!!

Rewrite: Onii-chan no Koto nanka Zenzen Suki Janain Dakara Ne!!(Henceforth shortened to Ochinko.)

Genres: Comedy, Ecchi, Romance, Seinen, Harem, Complete unadulterated bullshit

Let’s get it started.
 Firstly, rationale. Watching Ochinko was just about as entertaining as stabbing your own eyeballs with chopsticks with a bowl of faeces on the side for desert(Your retinas were the main course.). Never mind the chopstick-proportion characters, the entire show is disgusting enough to watch. Check that super-cliche revelation that the two leads aren’t related by blood right in the first episode. There is a cloud of sin , guilt and horrible writing that looms over this show. Watch it, and soon you’ll be struck by the lightning of disgust.

Watching it always made my skin crawl. Its comedy consisted of making a reference to either male genitals, female body parts (duh) and a constant link to the “A.G.E Explorers” and their quest for porn. In other words, their comedy is written by a monkey on a typewriter who clearly was not able to have sex with a monkey mate for years and was forced to do it with Nao instead. Their characters were horrible as well. Shuusuke is the most attractive man ever to the three leads for reasons I can’t even begin to imagine. He is a porn addict who masturbates constantly and lacks any  moral fibre, as well as any desirable characteristics who shouldn’t be able to make friends with anyone, much less get a girlfriend. Then again, that could be said for everyone in this show….right?

Rewrite time. This is where we take the scriptwriter’s position, or even the mangaka’s position, and change  fuck the show over entirely.

———-

New genres: Comedy, Ecchi, Romance

Character changes: Nao doesn’t make her advances so blatant. It’s more subtle than anything else. Think of it as a tsundere kind of thing. Shuusuke’s the same porn addict, but with some respectable qualities which shall be elaborated upon later. Iroha shall be his crush from childhood (for the sake of plot development) and Kondou shall be someone dragged into the fray.

Comments: To be honest, there wasn’t much that could salvage this trainwreck, but I’ll try.

Premise: Shuusuke is the usual porn addict. Distanced from reality, he no longer finds love in girls, but prefers his own stash of pornography to keep him company. His friends in the AGE explorers are in the same predicament. However, one day his childhood friend, Iroha, who he hadn’t seen since he was 5, came back. Something unexpected burst inside him that day as he saw her at the train station, as she told him she would be studying in his class. The warm feeling of reliving the memories so long ago, of games and playing doctor in the shed. All of this would lead him to a resolution to not watch porn again, and do well for the end-of-year exams to get into a good school for Iroha. In the meantime, Nao harbours certain feelings towards her brother, who isn’t aware of them. Kondou gets dragged into the fray later when Shuusuke constantly talks to her, soon evolving into advice sessions that led Kondou into thinking he was in love with her, but that clearly wasn’t the truth. Thus a love triangle is constructed, with Nao just being the creepy sister no-one wants.

Plot development: Porn addict -> Meets Iroha -> Resolves to change -> Revelation of reason behind Nao’s actions (no blood relation) ->Tension-filled event involving Iroha and Shuusuke -> Cold war -> Asks Kondou for advice -> Nao also gives advice 0> Gets Iroha back -> Asks her out -> Kondou’s confession -> Shuusuke is conflicted -> Doesn’t meet either ->Nao tries and tries again -> Nao is the one who gives the best advice despite knowing the consequences (Sacrifice for love) -> Climax : Iroha has to leave again -> Heartfelt , satisfying ending with Iroha at the airport and Shuusuke’s final confession of love -> Nao watching and crying from the side ->Epilogue -> Kondou, Iroha still friends , Kondou runs a bookstore -> Iroha and Shuusuke get married -> As a joke, Nao follows them abroad to follow her pseudo-incestuous stalking of Shuusuke as well as continue to advise him. ->End

Note: Make Nao’s incestuous underpinnings be more blatant, so much so that she is the cause for most of the tension and climax in the show. Shuusuke is never aware of their having no blood relation , and all Nao did for him to help him despite her love.  You could even call Nao a tsundere of sorts.

That’s the kind of shit I wouldn’t mind watching. Compare it to the original plot development:

Plot Development (Original) : Porn Addict – > Sister in love (no reason) – > No blood relation -> Childhood friend also in love (no reason) -> Stalking ->Random encounter -> Class rep also in love (no reason) -> Stalking ->Obligatory beach episode -> Stalking ->Stalking -> Shuusuke gets sick ->He gets well again -> End.

Synopsis :  1st year High School student Takanashi Shuusuke’s addiction to porn is so strong, he’d given up hope in ever finding love and resigned himself to the land of eroticism. However, all it took was the return of a childhood friend for him to renew his faith in the future. In the meantime, his sister, Nao, slowly becomes more tense and apprehensive. What is going on?

Would I watch it? Fuck yeah.

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About Valence

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11 Responses to AWP: Onii-chan no Koto nanka Zenzen Suki Janain Dakara Ne!!

  1. Alx2oy says:

    LOWL nice attempt at rewriting it 😛

  2. ilegend says:

    I admit watching the original Onii-chan no koto made my eyes sore.. I would definitely look foward to ur rewritten version of it. ^^

  3. Sebz says:

    I found it tolerable though 😐 what I can’t tolerate is shit like Seikon no Qwaser, Queens Blade, To-LOVE Ru…

  4. Anima says:

    Rewrite Seikon no Qwaser?

    Oh god.

  5. To-LOVE Ru was kinda entertaining in a stupid way.

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