That said, it’s come to my attention that season preview posts usually get very wordy…and very, very boring. So in an attempt to freshen things up, I’m going to take a leaf out of Canne’s book (as requested here’s your big shiny link) and write from
the perspective of someone with dissociative identity disorder multiple perspectives.
(All synopses are abridged. )
Airing: 7 April
Synopsis: 3 people get together to form a club devoted to solve any problem brought to it, called the ‘Sket Dan’.
Newfag Valence: Wow! A show about people getting together to solve problems? I’ve never seen that before! I bet it’ll be great!
Oldfag Valence: Really? It’s not like it’s something completely new and refreshing. I mean, come on, this club concept we’ve seen numerous time in the past years. Ookami-san and her 7 Companions, anyone? Except that one had tall Taiga. Extra points for that.
Chances of Middleagefag Valence watching this: 60%. In all honesty, it does sound interesting, but I’ll take my chances.
Synopsis: It’s a strange school. That’s pretty much about it.
KyoAni-Hater Valence: Oh fuck, guess which studio had the balls to release yet another show based on little girls and their antics again? After the catastrophe that was K-On and Lucky Star and well, almost anything they released, how will they mess this up?
KyoAni-Lover Valence: Oh fuck you, KyoAni can bring life to anything! Take K-On. The manga was for hipsters, and guess what? It’s so popular now. Besides, the manga is good. Some parts are genuinely hilarious. So before you tell others to fuck off, go fuck yourself first.
Madoka Valence: Guys, stop fightin-
Others: STFU and GTFO, we’re having a serious discussion on KyoAni here.
Madoka Valence: *cries*
Chances of Valence watching this? 90%. Oh come on , you know that the only two good things KyoAni can do are make things super adorable and throw in a bit of humour. Besides, the manga seems promising, so I wonder how they’ll bring it over into anime form.
[C] The Money of Soul and Possibility Control (Tatsunoko)
Synopsis: Japan has been rescued from collapse by the Sovereign Wealth Fund, but all is not well yet. Protagonist meets man who’ll offer him a lot of money if he can pay it back, soon drawn into area called’ Financial District’.
Prophet Valence: In my magic, shiny glass ball, I’m seeing a Bus Game-esque action sci-fi show where this Financial District is like a fighting zone or something for these business magnate’s twisted enjoyment and the winners get money if they don’t die. Also he probably meets that girl in the Financial District too.
Chances of Valence watching this: 70%
Synopsis: Samurai takes on odd jobs to pay rent and shit.
Skeptic Valence: Really, Sunrise? Another Gintama anime? After that whole hullabaloo last year about the show finally ending after 200 fucking episodes, and then you throw out a new one? What, you competing with Naruto or something?
Optimist Valence: Look on the bright side, we’ll get all the same antics again for another season!
Pessimist Valence: Yep. All the same antics.
Chances of Valence watching this: 80%
Synopsis: ‘Red Man’ fucks things up for Ganta. Ganta is thrown into jail despite being a minor (fuck the police) and into Deadman Wonderland, a prison/amusement park. (No doubt a brilliant idea from the MBAs) He vows to avenge his classmates and kill the Red Man.
Newfag Valence: Hanazawa’s playing the kind girl again?
Mangafag Valence: Of course not. In the land of Deadman Wonderland, everything is not as it seems. . .
Chances of Valence watching this : 100%. Why? The manga was awesome to begin with, and honestly, I’m actually kind of excited to see this animated. All that horror , action, and all that good stuff finally animated.
Directed by Shinbo Akiyuki
Synopsis: Think Arakawa under the Bridge, only that the protagonists aren’t in love and are related by blood.
One-dimensional Stereotype Perv Valence: Haha, she wraps a futon around her chest, probably because she’s so flat-chested.
Optimist Valence: But no matter how bad the show may seem, it’s directed by Shinbo Akiyuki ,so it won’t be bad, right?
Chances of Valence watching this: 80%. Oh come on, it’s by motherfucking Shinbo Akiyuki. What could possibly go wrong? Although the title makes no sense to me though.
Synopsis: Bunch of friends get together and build a machine that can send text messages back in time out of a microwave, must avoid capture by organisation called SERN
Rigid Valence: What’s with the abuse of semicolons nowadays anyway? And really? A time-travelling device built out of a microwave? Is Japan really that technologically advanced? Soon we’ll see railguns built out of remote controls and arcade tokens..
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. For one, the game was well received, and by 5pb. and Nitroplus, the same folks who released Chaos;Head. The plot’s interesting enough to watch, although there remains one problem : whether White Fox will mess up the same way Madhouse fucked up Chaos;Head. Remember that White Fox studios has less than 5 anime below their belt thus far, (as far as I know), so all eyes on them.
Synopsis: It’s all about tea and shit.
Pretentious Valence: Oh yay,a show that could act as a social commentary on not only the people of that era, but also the attitudes of people in the 21st century regarding material desires! Huzzah! *sips tea, adjusts monocle.*
Chances of Valence watching this: 1%. I’ll be honest folks, the synopsis (in full) doesn’t really interest me. I have the weirdest feeling it’ll be like Bartender, only much more boring and less entertaining. I might be wrong though.
Synopsis: Detective summons devils to help solve crimes, summons Azasel-san and abuses him.
Oldfag Valence: Ah, Production I.G. Studio behind such works as Kimi ni Todoke ,Higashi no Eden and Kemono no Souja Erin. How will you surprise me now?
Never-watched-anime-before Valence: Really? A show about summoning devils for their own personal amusement? How can Japan release such nonsense? It makes no sense at all! Where’s the logic in all of this?
Chances of Valence watching this: 50%. Honestly, I have no idea why he summons him. . . and then abuses him. Couldn’t he just summon other demons to help solve his cases instead? Is the entire show going to revolve around him abusing Azasel? Seriously?
Full title: Moshi Koukou Yakyuu no Joshi Manager ga Drucker no Management wo Yondara (What If a Female Manager of a High School Baseball Team Read Drucker’s)
Synopsis: Self-explanatory. Girl reads Drucker’s and uses it on baseball team.
Sporty Valence: Yay, another show about sports! We didn’t see any of that last season, did we? Nope. And it’s all-female baseball too, so that should be interesting.
Skeptic Valence: Interesting? Sounds like a borefest to me. It sounds much more like 10 episodes of advertising for whatever book she read anyway. Moe works well as advertising.
Chances of Valence hitting Homura with this: 0%
Chances of Valence hitting a homerun with this: 50%. It sounds like a cheesy idea. Sounds like the kind of thing you’d screen at motivational talks to get people to use Drucker’s.
Full title: Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai
Synopsis: Friends grow apart in highschool. Girl finds shut-in friend to reunite all six of them as a wish.
Skeptic Valence: How’s he going to do that? First he’s to overcome his fear of stepping out of his goddamned house, and how will he get all 6 together, anyway? Why couldn’t the girl do so herself? Or is all …just as planned?
Chances of Valence watching this: 100% / 6
Synopsis: New Appleseed anime. Set in the 22nd century after WWIII decimates the Earth.
IDE Valence: Reports indicate that Production I.G. is on a roll this season. This is an anomaly. They might double the number of shows they released last season. Humanoid interface Valence will continue observation.
Never-watched-anime Valence: Is it in 3D? Can anime be in 3D?
Chances of Valence watching this: 90%. If you’ve heard about the previous few Appleseed anime or read the manga, chances are, you’ll be watching this too. To be honest, I haven’t read or watched any Appleseed media yet, but I’m keeping myself open to new shows.
Synopsis: Story of a family in 1964. Drama.
Newfag Valence: What’s ‘Wao World’? And is this show aimed at old folks or something?
Chances of Valence watching this: 20%. If you’ve never heard of Wao World, I don’t blame you. As much as I would like to tell a hipster joke here, I can’t. Wao World is a studio involved with animating several anime, such as the recent Amagami SS and Beezlebub. This show seems to be aimed at an older audience, so I doubt I’ll be watching it, but I’ll wait and see what the blogosphere thinks.
Synopsis: Adaptation of some arcs from the manga.
Artfag Valence: He looks like shite. This probably means the show will be shite.
Snob Valence: Well clearly someone doesn’t know good stuff when he sees it. Kaiji was one of the most exciting shows I’ve ever watched, and it’s a shame that you have such a dumb opinion. I mean, screw the art, the plot is intense, you bollocks-licking dumbfuck.
Chances of Valence watching it: 90%. Usually my policy is to not touch any sequels until I finish their prequels. But this is different. I’ve been hearing a lot of glowing reviews for Kaiji and the manga, and of course, the manga this season is based off, and I can’t say I’m not interested at all in this show, so I’ll definitely give it a shot.
Synopsis: Think BRS, only shonen.
Bugger Valence: Oh god, no. Not another BRSesque anime! I can tell where this will end up : in the trash can of anime with failed potential. I’m sure it’ll just be boring and confusing.
Optimist Valence: Oh come on, I’m sure this’ll be better than just a 50-minute OVA. Since it’s rumoured to have a sequel, I’m sure BRS will do fine too.
Chances of Valence watching this:50%. What can I say? It’s shonen. And it kind of reminds me of Bleach for some reason. I’m a bit worried there.
Synopsis: Guy hunts down rare and dangerous plants and animals for gourmet food.
Prophet Valence: Expect comedy to do with food and action-packed scenes where Toriko fights gigantic towering creatures.
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. Why? Oh come on, how can the synopsis not sound interesting? The guy looks like he’s straight out of some martial-art manga or something, and the whole idea is interesting enough to say the least. Although I wonder whether it’ll be more comedy-orientated or more action-orientated.
Synopsis: Superheroes fall prey to rankings and profit. Veteran Hero, Tiger, gets assigned rookie who thinks otherwise.
MECHA-VALENCE UNIT 001 : Another mecha anime! Huzzah! And right after Star Driver ends!
Hipster Valence: These superheroes should be ashamed for selling out to those organisations. What we really need is a hipster superhero, but he’ll be underground all the time.
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. I’m expecting a twist on the ‘superhero’ type shows, a la Panty and Stocking’s twist on well, pretty much everything Western. Advertisements on superheroes? What a brilliant idea! Maybe we should pay politicians to wear T-shirts bearing our logos and emblems.
Synopsis: Guy with no social life who just so happens to be (what fangirls call) ‘bishie’ goes about sexing up girls to collect souls for a demon.
Sequelfag Valence: Sequels are always good. See how K-On!! revived the failing K-On empire. Sequels are being released for everything now. Isn’t this an indication how the anime studios think the same?
Skeptic Valence: No, you dumbfuck, it’s just the studios out to make some moolah. Every sequel so far, save for Code Geass if you insist, has sucked. Not just in anime too. Iron Man II , anyone? Titanic II, anyone? Indiana Jones IV, anyone?
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%
Synopsis: Elemental controller sucks breast-milk for power. All other characters are perverts.
One-dimensional Stereotype Perv Valence: If it’s anything we need more in today’s society, it’s gratuitous scenes of breast-sucking and BDSM-induced chaos.
Ishihara Valence: Which studio released this monstrosity? We must shut them down immediately.
Chances of Valence watching this: 40%. As with my policy, I don’t watch sequels until I watch their prequels. Unlike Kaiji, however, this is one show I had problems trying to finish. I’ve been stuck on Episode 7 since forever, and I doubt I’ll ever finish that any time soon.
Synopsis: Your usual shitty H-game adaptation.
Prophet Valence: Expect the usual shit you get from most ecchi shows.
Lame Pun Valence: Will Azure be watching this? *rolls eyes*
Chances of Valence watching this: 10%. As usual, I don’t really like ecchi shows. But shows like B Gata H Kei showed me otherwise, so I’m keeping my mind open to the idea of an interesting ecchi show.
Synopsis: Time to fuck with the Sengoku era again by changing all the main people involved into scantily-clad girls.
One-dimensional Stereotype Perv Valence: Yay, we could always do with more warring girls. Koihime Musou, anyone?
Chances of Valence watching this: 50%. To quote a particular webcomic : “[I’m actually watching old men], and I don’t fucking care!”
Synopsis: Demons throw people’s minds into the gutter. Enma-kun comes to save the day. Remake of 70’s anime.
Oldfag Valence: I’m watching this, definitely.
Hipster Valence: Curse you, Brains Base, for bringing Dororon Enma-kun out from underground. It used to be hip.
Chances of Valence watching this: 60%.
Synopsis: Girls work in Hot Spring hotel.
Xzibit Valence: Yo dawg, I heard you like hot spring episodes so I threw in a hot spring anime so you can watch hot spring episodes as you watch a hot spring anime.
Chances of Valence watching this: 20%. Sounds as boring as fuck.
Directed by Shinbo Akiyuki
Synopsis : Anti-lesbian crossdressing sadist reigns over yuri heroine who suffers from constant nosebleeds in an attempt to fulfill someone’s last wish and to (quote) “have fun”.
Lily Valence : Yuri is always nice, but will there be any in this series?
Skeptic Valence: I doubt it. I mean, the first season sucked. So many things left unanswered. What the fuck was Kanako’s necklace supposed to be, anyway? Are they related or something dumb like that?
Sequelfag Valence: See, what did I tell you?
Chances of Valence watching it: 100%. Too many questions left unanswered from Season 1. I’m sick of it. I need to find out everything. What the hell is the necklace supposed to be? I still have no idea.
Synopsis: Girls play Tennis.
Sporty Valence: Yay, tennis!
Everyday Normal Valence: Chances of me watching this: 40%. For crying out loud, it’s another one of those ‘hey-we’re-a-tennis-club-but-we-don’t-actually-play-tennis-as-it’s-too-mainstream” kind of thing. Much like K-On. Will they ever play Tennis? I doubt. Also, what’s up with their hair?
AKA Aria the Scarlet Ammo
Synopsis: Judgement, but graded. Guy has abilities he tries to hide. Aria finds out. ???. Profit.
Madoka Valence: Why does everyone have to fight?
Skeptic Valence: Isn’t this just another Shanaesque anime where it all revolves around someone childlike voiced by Kugimiya Rie? Probably a tsundere, too.
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. What’s there not to like? There’s Kugyu in it.
Lesbians Good friends get together and do shit. What shit? Who knows? Who cares?
Lily Valence: Now this is something you don’t see everyday, young lesbians. I mean, so far most yuri anime have mature and sexualized females , but this one seems adorable enough to be a yuri Lucky Star.
Skeptic Valence: Speaking of Yuri Lucky Star, is anyone picking up LS-ripoff vibes from this? Tallest character with long hair, twintailed character, short -hair character and short character. Kind of like the LS girls. I bet you the show’ll be more boring though. I have that kind of feeling.
Chances of Valence watching this : 70%.
Synopsis: Guy from Earth gets thrown into world of cat-eared and dog-eared people to fight a war.
Snob Valence: Tsk, another Zero no Tsukaima ripoff.
Bugger Valence: Yep, a ripoff all right.
Prophet Valence: Expect this to be much better than it seems.
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. For reasons stated above.
Synopsis: Some people going about their lives in some city sometime somewhere somehow.
Everyday Normal Valence: Now I’ll be frank, the synopsis doesn’t interest me enough to write a proper synopsis here (but then again I haven’t done that for most of the shows here.) However I won’t immediately strike anything off before I give it a shot, so who knows. Chances of me watching this? 50%.
Rigid Valence: Why would there be such a class to begin with?
Chances of Valence watching this : 100%. I cannot deny that this sounds interesting, definitely. But it seems set to be kind of ecchi, so fingers crossed.
Synopsis: Based on the book. Teaches 30-year-old men how to date and have sex.
Skeptic Valence: Only otaku will watch this, huh.
Optimist Valence: Well, they might get to have sex if they watch it.
Pessimist Valence:Well, they might get to have sex if they watch it.
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. I mean, seriously, how can you not watch this? A show based on trying to get people laid. The idea’s interesting, definitely, but how will the show be carried out? Each episode being a lesson? Will it be full of awkward scenarios that never happen IRL? Will it actually be helpful to 30-year-olds? Only time will tell.
Synopsis: Think 2-3 minute skits as random as can be regarding a robot princess and her butler. Now laugh.
MECHA-VALENCE UNIT 001: Huzzah, more mecha!
Chances of Valence watching this: 100%. I mean, I love the fuck out of it. It’s hilarious, it’s short, and it’s charming. (Badumtsssh.) I’m not a big fan of the new design though, but I guess I’ll grow used to it eventually.
And now, time for the most exciting this this season! Hold on to your hats people, as we talk about….
Lotte no Omocha (Diomedea)
In the medieval fantasy world of Alfheimr, succubus princess Astrarotte Ygvar, the first princess of the kingdom of Ygvar, has just reached the age of 10. For the coming years of a young succubus’ life, it is necessary for them to have a male harem. In order to maintain their body and preserve their beautiful appearance, they must consume a substance only found on males. This substance is a liquid called “Sauzfryma”, better known as semen. The princess, however, bears a great dislike against men, and only agrees to create a harem if a human male is to join.
In the human world Midgar, young father Touhara Naoya was greeted by a suspicious lady one day, claiming that she is a fortune teller. She also claims that she can help him find the “perfect job” fitted for him. Even though it seems suspicious, he accepts the free consultation in order to support himself and his young daughter. After meeting in the park with the suspicious lady a day later, he suddenly found himself in Alfheimr, a medieval fantasy realm located on a different world. The mysterious lady uncloaks her true identity as the Head Chamberlain of the kingdom of Ygvarland. He was then lead to the palace of Ygvarland, and there, the “job” he accepted was finally revealed; he was to become a human candidate for princess Astrarotte’s harem. (Source: Baka-Updates)
I know what you’re all thinking: Why Japan? Why? But clearly no-one’s bothered to read the manga since the synopsis already puts everyone off. The manga is done by Haga Yui, mangaka behind Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu, so there’s already some quality ensured right there. And I know all the skeptics who are putting this off simply for the premise behind the succubi’s power: semen. Now I assure you, succubi have always been linked to sex, but as of yet (4 damn volumes of the thing) there aren’t any sex scenes yet. Good, because the main male lead doesn’t want to have sex either. It’s full of twists and surprises which really add flavour to the manga. Which is why I’m really looking forward to the anime.
One more thing : As per anime custom, the flat-chested 10-year-old Tsundere Astrarotte is voiced by Kugyu.
Well, that might have been the longest post I’ve ever written so far, but what are my thoughts on this season?
Xzibit Valence: Yo dawg, I heard you like reading posts written by folks with Dissociative Identity Disorder so I put one such post into this post so you can read this post while reading that post.
Optimist Valence: This will be one of the best seasons we’ve had in years. Sure, it’s not as good as what we’ve seen in 2007, but it’s better than what we’ve had in the past few months. Much better than Winter 2010, so that’s saying something, right there.
Pessimist Valence: Nuh-uh, dickhead. This season is chockful of everything that killed the anime industry. Lame game adaptations. Ecchi covering the walls and choking our throats. Ridiculous, overused cliches and boring generic characters.
KyoAni-Lover Valence: Overused cliches? Boring generic characters? Maybe because KyoAni only released one show this season.
KyoAni-Hater Valence: Tells you something about the world when even though KyoAni released only one show, this season still sucks so badly.
Snob Valence: Tsk, when have they ever released more than one show per season?
Bugger Valence: I’m sure they have at some point at time. Definitely. So fuck you.
Sequelfag Valence: Doesn’t matter whether KyoAni’s here or not. We have plenty of sequels. Maria Holic, Kaiji, The World God Only Knows, what’s there not to like? Finally! Closure! Something I love about sequels.
Mangafag Valence: Not to mention all the manga adaptations.
Newfag Valence: So many sequels and manga adaptations? How can this season not be good?
Oldfag Valence: Except when you realize that almost all the seasons are like this.
Never-watched-anime-before Valence: But what are the point of sequels if we can’t understand what they’re talking about?
Skeptic Valence: Whatever, you all know this season is nothing but generic shonen and ecchi anyway. Everything else that looks awesome is doomed to fail.
MECHA-VALENCE UNIT 001: Yep, there’s not enough Mecha. More ecchi=bad.
One-dimensional Stereotype Perv Valence: More ecchi? Why is that bad?
Ishihara Valence: More sexual material corrupting the minds of our innocents? Must! Mobilise! Army! Shut down all the studios! Raze all the manga! I will not tolerate any of this nonsense!
Pretentious Valence: Oh shut it, you old coot, you’re ruining the taste of my Darjeeling.
Rigid Valence: Arguing doesn’t ruin the taste of tea. You, sir, are a dumbfuck.
Sporty Valence: Guys, stop fighting, we can settle this through tennis. Or bowling. Or wrestling.
Artfag Valence: Or through a drawing competition. Whoever can draw Kaiji better wins.
IDE Valence: Continuing observation.
Lily Valence: If only these folks were female, it would be more entertaining to watch. I could write fiction based on it.
Hipster Valence: This post used to be hip before so many people started writing their opinions in it.
Madoka Valence: Guys, stop fighting! We….we shouldn’t be fighting! We’re practically the same person!
Prophet Valence: I predict this session will go nowhere.