Welcome back to yet another review of Rio – Rainbow Gate-, where I try not to rip my eyes out of their sockets and jam them down my throat. This week, it’s Episode 4 – meaning that I don’t intend on dropping the series and am indeed, going to finish it all.
Let’s get crackin’, shall we?
The good thing about watching up to the fourth episode, is that I can now conclusively call this show, a heap of shit with breasts. Lots of them. Unfortunately, now that I have watched up to the fourth episode, implies that I probably have bad taste for not dropping this show. But despite how much of a heap of shit this show may have been, it’s surely at least an entertaining heap of Nimiral.
We kick things off with a scene of Rio lying in a bed with her childhood friend, Rina. Of course, like all normal , straight women, they sleep together naked. Makes you wonder why all the dealers who have their own rooms have beds obviously meant for two. It’s also obvious that they must have had some sort of intimacy, of the sexual kind, but the audience will have to miss all of this and wait for DVD specials. Those fiends.
Anyway, flashback to earlier in the day, where Howard introduces Rio to her new co-worker, Rina, picked up solely because they were lesbian partners from birth. Since a new challenger has appeared, the loli with the stupid name pouts about town with Anya, complaining how she won’t let Rina keep Rio all to herself. (She wants to get some too.) Beats me why of all people, Anya is assigned to take care of her. Perhaps Howard wanted some Russian Mint pie. Who knows? Why would I send one of my dealers to follow a kid around for the whole day? But then again, it’s Anya,so I guess the move makes sense..
Rio gets a day off to revive her relationship with Rina and also introduce Rina to everyone else at the casino. This is the part where all the useless side characters who no-one cares about and whose names people don’t even bother to remember. Nevertheless, they have a fun time poking fun at the new girl, warning her of ‘all the things Howard will do to her.” After a brief amount of time, Anya , once again, manages to slay a vampire by causing widespread destruction. However, there wasn’t a vampire. As usual. I’m quite sure some laws of physics and some fundamentals of logic were shattered when those three trees (say that three times fast) toppled and bent over one another like dominoes under Anya’s weight, somehow being light enough to topple yet heavy enough to deal serious damage to cars. And of course, she gets away scot free.
After they meet up for their date, Rina comments on how Rio owns two of the legendary Dragon Balls in her room. Rio, as usual, brushes it aside, without revealing her true motives for the wish. Meanwhile, Mint bursts into the restaurant and warns Rina to stay away from Rio else she’d be ripped in half. Rina ignores her. Well. Honestly, I have a problem with the adult figures in this show who let their children run about a casino city , into restaurants and casinos and spending great amounts of time with a stranger , and those adults who let the children enter their establishments to begin with. Talk about poor parenting skills and not doing one’s job well.
Anyway, skip back to the casino, where some hairy man dressed as a cowboy who can’t afford decent, fitting clothes has grabbed hold of Anya. He challenges Rio to a Western-style showdown with guns drawn, but it turned out his true intention was to challenge her to a ….vending lottery machine. Remember how I said Rio doesn’t really have much to do with casinos and gambling big-time? Same here. They even specify that he’s banned from Akibahara due to his ‘god-like skills’, his 100% accuracy rate.
At this point, cue yet another flashback. We see Rina and Rio as kids, playing and living together like sisters, both watching with awe as Rio’s mother, Risa, deals cards. Seriously, what the fuck is up with the adults in this show? Aside from Rio and Rina, everyone else seems to lack one or two braincells. For instance, the security guards for the Casino were not only stupid enough to let a child in and wander about, but also a hairy, under-dressed man with a gun in his pants displayed prominently for all to see enter and gamble. They don’t even do anything when he actually fires the damn gun , for crying out loud. Risa’s also a bitch for teaching the children gambling.
Then, simply because he’s a bastard, Howard sets Rina against Rio in yet another meticulously designed dueling arena, where not only were they already throes of people who appeared out of nowhere, also comes with tunnels from which the two can fall from in the casino ,right from the Dealer’s table, get changed and appear. Do I mention their clothes come with the magical and useful ability to come off?
The rules of the game were simple : each miss equates to a piece of clothing being ripped off. This is where things get interesting. Firstly, from the casino scene it turns out that Rina has the same AOE skills as Rio too, but she’s a fucking boring dealer, which automatically makes her cold-hearted. Secondly, while Rio looked like the Butch in their relationship, it turns out that Rina appears to be more of a Butch, making Rio take off the most provocative of her clothing. It isn’t all Rio’s fault for being a bad shot though. According to Rina, due to all the perverted losers at life staring at them hoping to see them undress, it had created a wind current that affected the disks they were throwing – it makes completely fucking sense. Aside from the fact that the casino has its own magician, this is probably the most enlightening piece of information I’ve learnt. Today, it’s been very, very windy.
At the end, Rio manages to secure a draw with Rina, but everyone simply assumes both missed on purpose and everyone is happy.
Also, Rio flashes the audience. As per usual.
Meanwhile, at Team Rocket’s hideout, Bull Hard reports to a mysterious woman about Rio , who wants to know about Rio’s powers.
I had wanted to get a screencap of each antagonist shouting, ‘WHAT?’ , but since Rina didn’t do so, my glorious plans are ruined. Ah shit.
I wonder who else still bothers to watch this. And to think I wrote over a thousand words on this crap. Sigh, what am I doing?