Rio : Yuri Gate 4

Woah woah woah woah what did I just miss?

Welcome back to yet another review of Rio – Rainbow Gate-, where I try not to rip my eyes out of their sockets and jam them down my throat. This week, it’s Episode 4 – meaning that I don’t intend on dropping the series and am indeed, going to finish it all.

Let’s get crackin’, shall we?

The good thing about watching up to the fourth episode, is that I can now conclusively call this show, a heap of shit with breasts. Lots of them. Unfortunately, now that I have watched up to the fourth episode, implies that I probably have bad taste for not dropping this show. But despite how much of a heap of shit this show may have been, it’s surely at least an entertaining heap of Nimiral.

We kick things off with a scene of Rio lying in a bed with her childhood friend, Rina. Of course, like all normal , straight women, they sleep together naked. Makes you wonder why all the dealers who have their own rooms have beds obviously meant for two. It’s also obvious that they must have had some sort of intimacy, of the sexual kind, but the audience will have to miss all of this and wait for DVD specials. Those fiends.

Anyway, flashback to earlier in the day, where Howard introduces Rio to her new co-worker, Rina, picked up solely because they were lesbian partners from birth. Since a new challenger has appeared, the loli with the stupid name pouts about town with Anya, complaining how she won’t let Rina keep Rio all to herself. (She wants to get some too.) Beats me why of all people, Anya is assigned to take care of her. Perhaps Howard wanted some Russian Mint pie. Who knows? Why would I send one of my dealers to follow a kid around for the whole day? But then again, it’s Anya,so I guess the move makes sense..

Rio gets a day off to revive her relationship with Rina and also introduce Rina to everyone else at the casino. This is the part where all the useless side characters who no-one cares about and whose names people don’t even bother to remember. Nevertheless, they have a fun time poking fun at the new girl, warning her of ‘all the things Howard will do to her.” After a brief amount of time, Anya , once again, manages to slay a vampire by causing widespread destruction. However, there wasn’t a vampire. As usual. I’m quite sure some laws of physics and some fundamentals of logic were shattered when those three trees (say that three times fast) toppled and bent over one another like dominoes under Anya’s weight, somehow being light enough to topple yet heavy enough to deal serious damage to cars. And of course, she gets away scot free.

After they meet up for their date, Rina comments on how Rio owns two of the legendary Dragon Balls in her room. Rio, as usual, brushes it aside, without revealing her true motives for the wish. Meanwhile, Mint bursts into the restaurant and warns Rina to stay away from Rio else she’d be ripped in half. Rina ignores her. Well. Honestly, I have a problem with the adult figures in this show who let their children run about a casino city , into restaurants and casinos and spending great amounts of time with a stranger , and those adults who let the children enter their establishments to begin with. Talk about poor parenting skills and not doing one’s job well.

Anyway, skip back to the casino, where some hairy man dressed as a cowboy who can’t afford decent, fitting clothes has grabbed hold of Anya. He challenges Rio to a Western-style showdown with guns drawn, but it turned out his true intention was to challenge her to a ….vending lottery machine. Remember how I said Rio doesn’t really have much to do with casinos and gambling big-time? Same here. They even specify that he’s banned from Akibahara due to his ‘god-like skills’, his 100% accuracy rate.

I wonder if there were other, more pressing reasons to ban you out , of all places, Akibahara.

At this point, cue yet another flashback. We see Rina and Rio as kids, playing and living together like sisters, both watching with awe as Rio’s mother, Risa, deals cards. Seriously, what the fuck is up with the adults in this show? Aside from Rio and Rina, everyone else seems to lack one or two braincells. For instance, the security guards for the Casino were not only stupid enough to let a child in and wander about,  but also a hairy, under-dressed man with a gun in his pants displayed prominently for all to see enter and gamble. They don’t even do anything when he actually fires the damn gun , for crying out loud. Risa’s also a bitch for teaching the children gambling.

Note how his left hand is moving

Then, simply because he’s a bastard, Howard sets Rina against Rio in yet another meticulously designed dueling arena, where not only were they already throes of people who appeared out of nowhere, also comes with tunnels from which the two can fall from in the casino ,right from the Dealer’s table, get changed and appear. Do I mention their clothes come with the magical and useful ability to come off?

The rules of the game were simple : each miss equates to a piece of clothing being ripped off. This is where things get interesting. Firstly, from the casino scene it turns out that Rina has the same AOE skills as Rio too, but she’s a fucking boring dealer, which automatically makes her cold-hearted.  Secondly, while Rio looked like the Butch in their relationship, it turns out that Rina appears to be more of a Butch, making Rio take off the most provocative of her clothing. It isn’t all Rio’s fault for being a bad shot though. According to Rina, due to all the perverted losers at life staring at them hoping to see them undress, it had created a wind current that affected the disks they were throwing – it makes completely fucking sense. Aside from the fact that the casino has its own magician, this is probably the most enlightening piece of information I’ve learnt. Today, it’s been very, very windy.

At the end, Rio manages to secure a draw with Rina, but everyone simply assumes both missed on purpose and everyone is happy.

Also, Rio flashes the audience. As per usual.

Meanwhile, at Team Rocket’s hideout, Bull Hard reports to a mysterious woman about Rio , who wants to know about Rio’s powers.

This episode was just about as retarded as the above scene.

I had wanted to get a screencap of each antagonist shouting, ‘WHAT?’ , but since Rina didn’t do so, my glorious plans are ruined. Ah shit.

I wonder who else still bothers to watch this. And to think I wrote over a thousand words on this crap. Sigh, what am I doing?

About Valence

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30 Responses to Rio : Yuri Gate 4

  1. Dop says:

    The sheer absurdity of this show is somehow strangely compelling, like watching a car crash in slow motion.
    That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking with it.

  2. You know something? I’m actually going to give you points for being able to put up with this nonsense. I just couldn’t do it, it would kill me and things would not end well. So I’m going to say…watching it builds strength?

  3. glothelegend says:

    Lesbians make any show better. Even Rainbow Gate. I will be finishing this, but now I want some fried chicken.

  4. hikikomori1969 says:

    lol, your still doing this, I stopped watching at episode 3 when I realized their was other things to be done also this shit isn’t worth my bandwidth. I can’t believe Crunchyroll subbed such a crappy anime, probably cause it was cheap to do.

    • Valence says:

      Maybe it was free. Perhaps they were paid by Tecmo to sub this, for all you know.

      I always try not to drop anything, so I figured this was a challenge I would have to complete..

  5. baka~ says:

    I may not be watching this anime but I do love your sarcastic posts about them XD

    keep them coming FTW!

  6. Kuga Natsuki says:

    I for one like this show, no matter how many people keep saying how bad it is i would still keep watching it unless an episode pisses me off then i would probably destroy my computer and swear in front of random people then buy a new computer and keep watching the show like nothing happens XD

    • Valence says:

      Aside from the destroying the computer part, I agree with you. This show sucks really, really badly,, but I watch it nevertheless. I’m hoping for the show to get better, but that seems unlikely…

  7. Azure Hoshizora says:

    wait… WHUT?

    so far, the show is making as much sense to me as Stocking being a demon. wtf And the only consistent thing in this show is probably the villain’s eyebrows…

    • Valence says:

      The show doesn’t make much sense, and this post doesn’t help explain the show either, but the level of crappiness in the show is also consistent..

  8. L0L says:

    L0L. i just can’t believe such absurd show exist. L0L i was LMAO-ing to death while reading your post too.xDDDD the absurdity of this show was just hilarious.XD the writer must get an award! L0L. that aside,i’ll still be watching this because of the yuri.lawl..

  9. Justin says:

    After the third ep, I stopped completely. Despite Rio’s hotness, I-I couldn’t take it. It was just incredibly ridiculous.

    • Valence says:

      I forced myself to complete it. It’s more of a personal challenge than anything else, and it usually leads to surprises. I forced myself to finish B Gata H Kei and found it to be one of the most interesting ecchi shows I’ve ever seen.

  10. My thoughts exactly, especially for the beginning of this ep…”Wow, how misleading XD”.

    And yes, Rio’s hallucinations or w/e they’re called are undeniably weird…I mean, what kind of dealer imagine flying chicken wings or fantay worlds full of numbers etc?

    • Valence says:

      We have two scenarios. What’s frightening is that she might not be imagining these , and that they’re happening in real life, including the super obvious AOE skills and whatnot, and the flying chicken wings. What’s also frightening is that she might be a psychopathic prostitute locked up in a mental asylum somewhere.

  11. shumbapumba says:

    You dish out a good tongue-lashing. Entertaining read. Far more entertaining than the show it seems.

  12. ArashiX says:

    Man, Valence, you are a better man than I. I downloaded the first two epsiodes ad immediately thought of dropping it. Not sure if I will forge ahead like you, but I do agree of how dull it is. Good with the rest (and if gets any better, lol). ^^

  13. biotoxic says:

    “implies that I probably have bad taste for not dropping this show” – nah, more like taking one for the team. You are the scout in this party, forging on ahead and returning with the current battlefield status. Thank fuck I abandoned the mission early :lol:.

    I was worried I’d missed your episode 3 report, but it must have been so awesome you just couldn’t put its sheer epicness into words.

    • Valence says:

      Hey, I had nothing to write about a woman named Misery who bid her entire goddamn fortune and lost to a bunch of spicy chicken wings. Which are also bats.

      I’m still out in the battlefield. I’m on a one-way radio.

  14. touma says:

    I don’t know how you can keep watching this ^^

    /stopped after the second episode

  15. Pingback: RAGING REVIEW- Rio:Rainbow Gate | Ambivalence , or is it ambiguity?

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