Rio: Rainbow Gate! – First impressions, and one of the many posts to come..

If it’s anything that continues to baffle me, is the reason why this show was conceived. Sure, it’s to promote Tecmo’s line of pachinko slot machines and whatnot. But what I’m talking about isn’t the ‘show’ itself : it’s the concept. I’d like to give the man (definitely a man) behind the idea a huge pat on the back.

With a spiked mace, and perhaps use a gun afterwards for safe measure to make sure he doesn’t breed.

Of course, I can’t immediately say something is a heap of shit when only one episode has come out – it’d make me look fickle and quick to accuse, wouldn’t it? So I’ll just say that this show probably has the biggest potential, out of all the shows this season, to be a huge heap of mierda. But before I can prove that hypothesis, being a huge fan of thinking, let’s review the episode, part by part.

She has AOE skills which enable everyone around her to win shitloads of cash from the resort. I shit you not.

We start the episode with a scene of Rio, sleeping. Then, as with every morning, her ferret  – her ferret – , by instinct, pulls off the blanket revealing Rio’s bare legs and panties, and presumably rapes her, as with every morning. Meanwhile, a loli with parents who can’t give a decent, normal, not retarded name is walking through the city, seeing the great sights and getting bored, just like most children.

However, she clearly isn’t like most children. While Rio’s out on her daily job of helping the eponymous Howard City Resort lose another million, she somehow manages to sneak past the guards , into the entrance and then walk around in plain sight of most workers, who presumably were more concerned with rubbing their breasts and simply not giving a shit.

Turns out her grandfather works in the casino.  All this time, she’s spied upon by a psychopathic paedophile who later turns out to be a plush-animal fetishist, and a loser at love (as though we couldn’t see that from the get-go.) She then meets Rio while in Howard’s office.

After a walk in the park at night, presumably after they had sex, Rio and the loli with the dumb name are confronted by the fetishist Mister McPussy, who sends his grunts to – no, not rape them – get the loli’s bear, Choco. Here, Rio’s short stint in Dead or Alive clearly comes into use as she uses a judo throw on one of the men and scare the men off. They’re all probably part of the McPussy family.

Back to the hotel for more unadulterated adult-on-loli sex scenes. The loli, cool as mint, proceeds to read out all of her measurements – knowledge gleaned from too much sex, of course – and points at Rio’s body, where spots of pink start to glow on her body – 11eyes, anyone? She then helps the casino lose yet another million and convince a man clearly too busy staring at her tits to propose to his girlfriend, who was standing next to him – probably too busy staring at Rio’s tits too.

All of a sudden – Mr. McPussy appears and introduces himself! Rio offers to defend Choco, since it’s where they keep their drugs. They then enter a room crowded with spectators, as they prepare to play poker. Of course, it’s all done over-dramatically with fanservice, Rio in a wedding dress to boot.

It’s time for the climax. What happens next is blatantly obvious, and shouldn’t be any bit surprising. Rio uses her Geass and fires vines of sparkly love, red flowers and general material used for censoring nudity in anime at the deck of cards. Mr. McPussy opts for the manly approach. They then enter meta-worlds where they search for the Queens. Mr. McPussy pushes past the cards and rips them apart in his meta-world while Rio gives them all sexual favours. Thanks to her believing in the heart of the cards, Rio has a come from behind victory, and then lets Mr.McPussy fondle her breasts – force of habit. The episode then closes with the loli’s voyeuristic tendencies being revealed in public as she pulls off Rio’s skirt and rips it, revealing her panties to everyone. They then have sex, of course – what’d you expect from Hentai?

“….is this shit?”

That’s the first thought that comes to mind. I was at crossroads. It was clear that Rio : Rainbow Gate! was destined to become a smouldering pile of ass-goblin at the end, but I couldn’t simply drop it. It’s against my principles as an aniblogger.

It’s so bad, yet it seems to be potentially lulzy – meaning people might still opt to watch this nonsense in the end. But it’s clear that most people think the same way as I do – that this show is nothing but a pile of shit.

But piles of shit make excellent LOL fodder, and thus I’ve resigned myself to having to blog about this shit again.  I’ll make my judgement on this show again after the third episode, so by then I can see whether this show is really nothing more than a pile of Japan’s mierda.

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40 Responses to Rio: Rainbow Gate! – First impressions, and one of the many posts to come..

  1. Ming Xuan says:

    This post gave me laughs. At a bad timing even. *cough*

  2. neko says:

    Originally I was going to drop this anime, but it seems to be so bad it’s actually funny I might given ep 2 a chance. maybe….

  3. rborg42 says:

    I might even drop this anime, just want to see what the next episode is about unless it’s going to be more of this crazy fanservice……with no real plot other than people going to a casino to see Rio’s boobs. And a Loli who shouldn’t be allowed in, in the first place….

  4. Rukishou says:

    Oh it’s not just a load of shit. It’s a steaming load of shit – with tits! Still, I doubt this show was meant to be taken seriously, so I’ll give it at least a few more episodes before I drop it, it might get interesting. I doubt I’ll be following it through to the end though, but we’ll see.

    • Valence says:

      It’s not steaming – it’s smouldering : the stench of failure spreads far and wide in all directions.

      Problem is, when is a show not meant to be taken seriously?

  5. I laughed, I cried, but I mostly grimaced. There has to be something going on between the casino owner and Rio, else I wouldn’t have a clue why she’s allowed to lose money for the casino and still be kept on. Worst casino employee ever!

    • Valence says:

      But given how casinos work and how the jackpot is used, it’s actually a risky business venture. By letting guests win small sums of money, it’s likely for them to spend it again on other gambling games or to buy food, drinks, hotel stays etc. Otherwise the money can be recouped by guests entering the place itself. Drawn by the rumour of the Goddess of Victory, it serves like some sort of a gigantic advertisement, which boosts the amount of guests.

      I’m being too serious, aren’t I?

  6. biotoxic says:

    Wait, you’re going to watch a 2nd episode… or more :shock:? Masochist

  7. wieselhead says:

    I planned to watch this because I like Rios character design.
    After reading your impressions I think it’s an horrible anime.
    Maybe I should reconsider my plans XD

    • Valence says:

      Character designs are nice – as always, XEBEC does well art-wise.

      Story-wise,not really. But if you want to watch it, go ahead, you might like it..

  8. Azure Hoshizora says:

    Won’t watch this, will read what you write. The show is somewhat like the mix and match of various elements from other anime…

    The last pachinko game anime adaptation I watched was Umi Monogatari. I never finished it… Maybe I’ll go watch that instead.

  9. Justin says:

    I heard it was bad. It really was…bad. The only good thing that’s going to force me to keep watching is Rio and her…apparent hotness. But eventually when I realize that her hotness is not enough to overcome everything else that’s bad with this show, I’ll drop it. For now, I won’t give up on it. Mainly because it’s one ep.

    As they always say, it can only go up here, right? Right? It can’t get any worse, right?

  10. Yi says:

    There’s one of these every year. A fan servicey anime that may turn out so bad it’s good (but not really). On very rare occasions, it may actually develop into something worthwhile (Queen’s Blade/ Strike Witches). I guess we’ll have to see. I’m most likely not going to watch this though, since everything I’ve heard so far has been negative.

    • Valence says:

      One? Just one? There are tonnes of this stuff every year. Fanservicey anime that is so bad, it becomes lulz-worthy. Most bad shows turn out to be funny, simply because they’re so bad.

      To put it in another way : has anything positive been written about this show? I guess not.

  11. baka~ says:

    Heart of the cards and sex in the city? The seiyu cast is one hell of a trap but when you side this anime with Yugioh, I’d pick Yugioh… At least i’ll choose the lesser garbage XD

  12. Nopy says:

    At least we’ll probably get to see Rio cosplay every episode, so all is not wasted.

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