Getting depressed over a Video Game – do I qualify as emo yet?

Got thrashed in a game, then I suddenly thought of something.

Being one of the things I gain my dwindling amounts of self-induced pride from, losing sucks. I don’t like losing. It keeps being stuck to my mind for the next few days. This overall air of despair and depression, all from a outlet for joy and entertainment – how ironic is that?

Then I realised that it’s natural to lose in a game.

So why am I feeling down and in the dumps?

It seems to be a combination of both – forming a simple and wise adage that somehow sounds like an insult to me –

“一山还有一山高”

Or literally translated, there will always be a higher mountain than you.

Simply an adage to mean ‘don’t be so cocky and prideful’ , but that sounds like an insult.

It’s like teaching us to simply give up and accept it. I just can’t do that. I can’t stand the fact that whatever I think I’m good at, there is someone who is better at that than me – this misguided , foolish longing for a talent I can rightfully call my own.  I thought about my supposed talents, and for each one my peers are better at them than me. And then I thought about their talents. I don’t seem to have any advantage at all. I’m okay with it now.

‘sides, the adage sucks. Mountains don’t grow. Ever. It’s like telling you to simply give up.

I think everyone is perfect, everyone is brilliant, yet I can’t seem to find my own qualities. I can think up lists of good points about other people – when I can’t even come up with three points for myself.

This desire for victory stems from my failure to recognise victories and only see failures. I don’t ever see myself from a positive light, simply because I understand myself – and this is yet again why I can see everyone as ‘perfect’ – because I don’t understand them fully.  This depression isn’t a burden – it’s a gift. A gift from God to remind me to not sweat the small stuff – to accept life as it comes and goes.

I need to learn to not sweat the small stuff. I already talked about this before. Paranoia caused by not being able to relax  – it is killing me. I think I think too much like my father – and his father – that life is a race. That we must finish everything fast, that we must finish on top.

…but no. I need to stop and smell the roses. Calm down. Relax.

So that’s that. Counselling myself with WordPress.

I love you WordPress. Is there anything you can’t do?

And this blog post was never edited.

Come to think of it , I think I diagnosed myself as being slightly Bipolar. Hmm. Interesting.

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About Valence

I blog things.
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8 Responses to Getting depressed over a Video Game – do I qualify as emo yet?

  1. ScorchNRoses says:

    Gone through what you are experiencing right now. The only way out of this is to accept yourself for being who you are. Don’t compare yourselves to others so much, it’s your own life. And sides, you can play other games which doesn’t require you going up against other people >.>

    During the period when my head was full of DotA, I would rage over a mere loss. Silly me indeed, to kill my muscle cells over such a trivial matter. Don’t waste your time being emo over a video game, you’re not participating in any major competition or anything. Play to have fun and not aim to go professional or something.

  2. howeirong says:

    “As long as you don’t play any Touhou fighter with Bowie, you’ll be fine.” This is the adage I live by. It usually works.

  3. Robin Hyatt says:

    Super great writing. Honest!

  4. You’ve done it once more! Amazing article!

  5. Valence says:

    I didn’t remove anything, if you’re interested in knowing.

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