So Classification Shoot passed today, got 15 in and 1 out, in the 3-point zone. Really, a fault on my part, in my anxiousness to fire I misfired, leaving 1 bullet in the 3 bullet zone. So of course, I went about emoing about that, when someone asked me:
Stop niaoing can? I got only xxxxxx score, etc.
People seem to think I’m okay with this, 78/80 is okay, I’m just being a jerk, et cetera. Someone asked me whether it would be more painful to fail, or to miss perfect marks by 2. I would have to agree with the second option – missing your goal by 2 marks is more hurtful. If you fail, it is a result of your own incompetence your lack of training or control when firing. Missing your goals by 2 marks, 2mm, 2 seconds – that is hurtful. Within 2 seconds, you have sealed your own fate – something you could not see coming. Failing is painful indeed, but isn’t not getting 80/80 failing as well? I failed in my goal – the passing mark is full marks, and nothing else. So I was kind of depressed, not being able to get into Shooting Competition and what became a personal attack to my own pride, yet another problem of developing an ego.
However, what I want to question myself came up when we returned to school, when Mr. Tan presented us with a statement of sorts. I could not recall the whole thing, tiredness and thirst was kicking in, but the gist of it ran like this:
Shooting Competition is a very competitive contest. You will have trainings 3 times a week, which comprises of PT and pistol shooting in our school. This isn’t a matter of wanting to try something out -you are representing the unit, you are representing the school and you are not just representing yourselves. That is why we have a cut-out point. 10 cadets from the Secondary 3 and 4 squads will be chosen.
Subtract the 5 or so full scorers, that leaves about 5 places- meaning those with 78, the second highest score, are likely to go in . Of course, there might be some who don’t manage to get in, seeing as there are only 5 places left after all.
I racked my brains on the topic. Why DO I want to join the competition anyway? Was it that notion that it was something glorious I had unknowingly held since I was merely a cadet? Is it for a shallow reason, like wanting to boost a non-existent portfolio? Did I merely make it up at the last moment – and deceive myself into thinking it was something I truly aimed for, like so many in the past- PSLE Raffles , IPSP and so on. But of course, a common trend in these deceptions was I was much happier without achieving them than if I did – I love Hwa Chong, I love normal IP , I love my life, but I digress.
Is it of utmost importance to join? It’s another burden, not a stroll in the park one can just cruise through and leave. Training shall be tough . Competition shall be tough. This isn’t merely a matter of school pride, it is a matter of moral pride- can you really say you want to join, and lose the title to others? Do I really want to join? One part of me seems to want to stray towards slacking off, while the other seems to be mechanical – always working and looking for opportunities.
The conclusion I arrived at was that I would not sign up after all . If I was made to join, of course I would join, since the NCOs would have chosen the better ones to sign up. If there are better firers , so let them join and do HCINPCC, if not Hwa Chong proud.